The Future of Success is Happiness: A Conversation with Alexia Georghiou

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In today's episode, we have Alexia Giorgio with us, an author, speaker, and an HR advisor, joining us to discuss her insightful book.

The future of work is human and the future of success is happiness.

We are going to be diving deep into the science of happiness, stress transformation, and the power of microhabits in managing everyday micro stresses. Alexia's work sheds light on how small, intentional shifts can create lasting impact, helping us navigate work, success, and well-being with greater resilience and joy. So take us through the key concepts in the key concepts in the book, and your main inspiration, your main inspiration to write this book.

Well, so I've been studying happiness since 2019, and I really was challenged going through menopause as a woman who just turned 55 years old. I don't mind saying my age. Women my age, we're in the workforce. 80% of us, one billion are going through menopause. 25% of us want to quit. Not because we're quitters, but because we can't get the support that we need at work. And instead of saying, I need help because it's so stigmatized, it's really hard for us to do. We just say, Oh, I'm gonna be with my grandkids, I'm gonna travel with my partner because my partner just retired. But really, mixed in with that, because that's partly true, is oh, I would love to stay. I'm loving my career, I'm really flourishing, except I have these days and the physical symptoms and the toll on my mental health. I just need a little break and then I can come back. I need to practice that self-care a little bit more than what I used to. So when I started experiencing this past year, especially the final year of menopause, because it's been going on eight years, if you believe it, but you're a doctor, so you understand. It, I mean, I felt like I was just run over by a train and I was just standing there frazzled, like, what is this? my labs were fine with the doctors, you're just going through menopause. People, it's so stigmatized. Even women who have been through menopause were really uncomfortable when I would bring it up and they would change the subject. And I said, Nobody's talking about it. So I said, Well, I'm gonna break the stigma because we're saying to leaders, talk about your mental health to get your employees to talk about their mental health because we need to have these conversations. And so I said, Okay, I'm gonna talk about it. So I start the prologue with you can be happy in something, you can be happy through something, you can be happy because of something that doesn't deter happiness. and these habits are based on the science of happiness, meaning researchers have data that this is what really contributes to happiness, and there are small things we can do every day to boost our happiness. And I'm not talking about major change because major change is really hard to commit to, and we have the right intentions, but the follow-through is hard for us as human beings because our brain is wired around our habits. so the book offers real practical, like you're saying, it's really simple, but it works. And it's what has helped me, especially this last year. I have to work a lot harder at it than I did 10 years ago. And that is just reality, and that's okay. Because the research shows a woman like me, once she's been through menopause, my happiness naturally goes up. I'm more calm, I'm more apt to weather crises. I can offer a lot of stability to the team. So, my message to employers is hold on to that woman that may seem a little off, that may need a little extra support because you want to keep her for those later years. And she really wants to be there. She's just highly embarrassed when she has a symptom at work. 70% of women surveyed said, I'm so embarrassed that this happened to me and that it happened at work. And that thought, you know, I'm a professional speaker and I am being recorded when I speak. And it's very much in the back of my mind, what if? Because it's happened before. and the most honest thing I can do in that moment is I've already broken the barrier. This is something I'm experiencing. So my audience, I can just be real about it and tie it into happiness, tie it into the context. and so I mean, that's what I would say to not just women, men to understand in my specific situation, and to be open to these conversations, but we're all experiencing something. And a lot of people have a lot to say, but their main fear is public speaking. What if this? What if that? Well, I'm here to say it's happened. And I lived with anxiety all my life. I was so anxious. I was called shy. We didn't have the social anxiety or the selective mutism diagnoses. and I think that's really why I became a therapist. And I was working with children in the beginning, little children. and that just pushed me to understand myself better by helping them because I never got the help I needed. So I grew up with all this anxiety, and these little habits have helped me break through to become a public speaker because I have something to say.

Very, very, very inspiring, Alexia, that how you have transformed your challenges to a message that you want to share with so many people out there who are going through like in your case, you shared the physical challenges, physical symptoms of menopause and emotional symptoms. And whilst you are were going through that, whilst you are going through that, you found out ways how you are able to be more functional, more happy, have more positive emotions whilst you are going through it. And that is the most difficult thing. Whilst we are going through any level of physical, emotional, mental adversity, are we still able to stay grounded? And what I liked in the book is you know, you've spoken about mindfulness and also a kind of intentionality of having creating the positive emotions. And I like one of your models also, the Parma model. And so daily, when somebody is coming to work, and of course, there are external challenges all the time, we have different kinds of external challenges, but here you have got a challenge in your body all the time to be able to acknowledge that, to be able to be with that, and then to be able to transcend it. I think it's a real I would say it's a real victory, it's a real game changer that you've been able to do that. Because it's very easy to be dragged down when one is going through that. So definitely you've had a mindset change, perspective change that you have been able to do that. So I would love to share that. How did you start learning about these techniques and applying these techniques on a day-to-day basis?

Well, Dr Ash, what you're doing right now is activating the reward system in my brain. And this research is very recent, it's from 2023. And I really started focusing on listening, and I started teaching active listening. It's called listening to hear. And at that time, I wasn't feeling hurt, and I was talking about the loneliness that we have in the world. And each year, with the World Happiness Report, there is a statistic that's given out the people that report loneliness, and we can feel lonely even if we're surrounded by people. And that was my case within the context of talking about what I was going through physically, which my symptoms physically were moderate to severe. And it really affected my mental health that I wasn't feeling hurt. So I started saying, for me, happiness is feeling hurt, and people's eyes would glaze over. Then this research comes out, and we're at the beginning stages of understanding just that you are listening to me right now, that I perceive that you are listening and I'm being heard, my reward system is activating. And that's so powerful. So I started without even realizing that it was based in science by just saying it, by teaching people. This is what I needed. So I began to teach it. And that helped me feel like I was making a difference, that I was getting the word out, and now it's credible. The thing, the same thing with, you know, when I say the future of success is happiness. Recent research from 2023 again is showing us that happiness fuels success. In other words, when we focus on our well-being, and this is our collective work that we're all doing, when we're focusing on this, transforming stress, increasing happiness, that of course we're gonna have positive results with our engagement, with our productivity, with our physical health. And it all starts with our mind and our choices. Imagine if medical doctors not only said, Oh, women in menopause, well, I'll give you hormones. Oh, you don't want to take hormones? Here's the alternative. Imagine if they stacked on top of that. Here is some information on how you can apply little microhabits every day that's gonna boost the dopamine, the serotonin, the endorphins. And you're gonna feel better because of that as well as these physical interventions. Imagine a world like that. That's and I don't think it's idealistic. I think we're here that women are saying, I need help. People at work are saying, hey, employer, talk to me about my mental health. I need help. Leaders are hearing that, and I'm beginning even more and more. And I'm so respectful of these leaders who put a post and they say, I experience burnout. As yourself, Dr Ash, I experienced burnout. And this is what it did to my mental health, and this is what I learned, and this is what I'm learning. They're leading the way, you are leading the way to say you would never think a medical doctor, right, would struggle. And it doesn't make you look weak, is what I'm saying. It makes you look really strong and it builds that psychological safety for people. so for me, it has been a pathway kind of reversed. Like it wasn't backed by science necessarily, but I felt it and I experienced it and I put it out there. And now I'm reading and I'm feeling so validated. And that just increases my happiness that I'm on a real productive path. And it's brought really fruitful connections, like as with you, Dr Ash.

Thank you very much, Alexia. Thank you. I mean, everything you said was really spot on, but what was most beautiful and meaningful was that embracing our own vulnerability, embracing our own vulnerabilities, not hiding behind masks. I think that is a sign of high levels of emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, in many work cultures and places it is not that prevalent, but I think that transformation and change has to come to know that a so-and-so employees are human being first and how we can support this colleague whilst they are going through any different kind of any different kind of challenges because life is happening all the time. People are going people are going through challenges related to their family, sometimes their marriage, sometimes their elderly parents, sometimes their children, sometimes there might be colleagues at work where there is a level of dysfunctionality. So there are many permutation combinations. And sometimes, as you said, it's our own body. There are people who have had malignancies, who had cancer, diagnosis in their forties, in their fifties. And this deep-rooted habit of not listening to our own bodies, what our bodies are telling us. This is not a very healthy not a very healthy recipe because the bodies are giving us feedback all the time. And it's very important to listen to that feedback, that alarm system, because that is trying to help you to come back to harmony. I know you mentioned about the micro habits. What are the micro habits when you go to work every day? There are so many things. You know, I do a questionnaire every three months, Alexia. It's the Institute of Functional Medicine Questionnaire where they score you across four different domains the physical, the mental, the professional, and the social. How well you are doing in all different domains. So these are different domains of self-care.

Okay.

These are different domains of self-care, the physical self-care, the mental and emotional self-care, the professional self-care, and the social. So whilst you are at work, what are the microhabits that we can develop? Because you have to spend eight hours, it's a huge it's a long time, eight, ten hours at work. Are we able to absolutely get so many moments of connection, of creating meaning, of living our purpose?

We are, but when you say those words, I naturally think of big change. My purpose. But we agree, like I'll give yeah, yeah. We're on the same page, but my mind still goes back to oh, it's a big deal. And we are understanding now that no, it's just a little step, it's just a little adjustment, and that makes a difference with the brain and how it's wiring. so an example writing three things that we're grateful for 21 days will boost happiness. Okay, so every day throughout the day at work. and I think it's great, like first thing, midday, end of the day. Three things you're grateful for at work. Okay. And then even two minutes a day of deep breathing, just intentionally. Whoa, I'm gonna take a minute from my deep work and I'm gonna deep breathe. Just two minutes a day will increase happiness. Kindness is something that really fosters long-term happiness that lingers five small acts a week. So that can look like just looking at your colleague in the eyes and saying thank you. When they just do a gesture that we do every day, they may hand you something, they may explain something. It's just things that we take for granted the more we're we're around each other and we're used to each other. So I practice this with my family. like, of course, you should come pick me up from the airport. You're my family member. I intentionally say thank you so much for coming to pick me up from the airport. An Uber ride in LA right now is like 50 bucks to go five miles, and I'm not exaggerating. so for me to go to my brother's house from the airport is a lot farther. It could be up to$150 for just an Uber ride for about half an hour. So I say thank you so much that you came to pick me up. I had showed the gratitude. and positive affirmations. So daily for just two weeks starts to rewire the brain. Not exactly a habit yet, because habits, these micro habits would take about 66 days if we practice them every day for like I'm talking one to two minutes. Then we have a habit that we're not even thinking about. so I'm really pressing into developing those habits.

Until the time, till the time they become your till the time they become your second nature.

Second nature. That's what we're talking about. And that people say, oh, like I made the decision to forgive. And that thought keeps coming back to me. I'm like, of course it is. Your brain is wired around that thinking. It's gonna take 66 days of consistently saying, Nope, I forgave that person every time the thought comes back. That way the brain goes, oh, okay, we're we're letting it go. We did all we can. We spoke to them, we set boundaries with them, whatever we needed to do. And now we chose to forgive. It's so good for our mental health. It's not good to have bitterness. It takes root in us and it affects us physically, like you're talking about different medical ailments that could be due to a cause that with our lack of forgiveness, or we're carrying the stress, we're we're not regulating it. so yeah, every time it comes back, it's normal that thought's gonna come back because the brain is used to thinking it, and we do something with it. And it's so it's not defeat that we're not consistent yet. And we need to remind ourselves of that.

Thank you very much. thank you very much, Alexia, for that. now I note that in the book you have talked about the Gallup studies that the work-related stress is very huge in the world today, all around the globe. 40-45% or around that percentage. And that's why you and me are working on this vision of global joy because there is the statistics of a huge amount of global stress. Why is there so much amount of stress when we have got information available with all these techniques and possibilities? People are still stuck and they are not able to. What do you think are the major challenges and how we can shift them?

Well, to your point, Dr Ash, there is a lot of stress and what I see is that we have traditional ways of doing things. So when I go to my medical doctor, there's a lot of talk about physical health. So my diet, my exercise. And so I hear people a lot saying, oh, I eat really well and I do my exercise. And yet there's that third column of what are you doing with stress? And we wonder sometimes, why did that person have a heart attack and die? They were only 50 years old and they were eating great and they were running. And look at that. And so our question to them is well, what were they doing with stress? Because not regulating it, not practicing these happiness habits does affect our health. And because right now we're beginning to have conversations about it with hope that as a threat, it just goes through every industry and we begin to pay attention. that we're not so productive after 50 minutes of work. And I know in your book that you talk about what happens with the brain, and you can explain it really well. that we have a shutdown here where our reasoning and our thinking and focus happens, and the amygdala, the fight and flight, kicks in like we're in danger because we didn't regulate the stress or we didn't take a minute to breathe and look outside and look at a tree. Then the body says, fight or flight, fight or flight, and this begins to shut down. And we think that resilience is pushing through all that. Like I grew up hearing rugged individualism, my generation Gen X. That's what we were told. Resilience is pushing through. And every day I have to reframe my thinking. It's not resilience. Resilience is here and then ha, and then push, push through discomfort, grow, and then take care, practice a microhabit, practice some happiness based on science, and then we can go back to here. But we think it's resilience, resilience, resilience, and then the rubber band breaks. And what are we left with? What are we left with? And we don't have to go there. We can just make this proactive mental health. That's another way to frame this. That just like every day I'm thinking about what food I'm gonna eat, I'm thinking about, oh, I really do need to go for that walk. it's good for me, even though some days it's the last thing I feel like doing. And I have to push myself even harder than I ever did before. And I really want that brownie or that pint of ice cream. we used to have that joke in the 90s, they would make movies about women eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and we would all laugh. I don't think that's kind of way, but I can't just eat that every day. But the same with our habits with what we're doing with stress. This the equal importance needs to be given there. So, what we're doing today, and I know we're aligned, we're just increasing awareness and we're giving it value and meaning so people understand it's not just a good thought that we're having, that the studies increasingly are showing this.

Very true, Alexiana. I would like to share one more thought with you. we see a lot of stresses in the environment, but there are there is micro stress, which sometimes might be that slow stress, that annoying under-the-table, under-the-radar kind of stress where people might not recognize it or fail to recognize it. And I talk about that in my book, there's a full chapter on the micro stress effect. Yes, you do. And that can also over a period of time lead to serious health issues, both physical issues, health issues, and mental issues. And I the reason I'm sharing that point is the microhabits you have shared in your book are a perfect antidote to those micro stresses. So you have to be aware of those micro stresses in the environment and have this antidote on a on a daily basis. This is like a medicine to that to that microstresses in the environment.

Absolutely. And I'm vi yeah, I'm visualizing that frog that you have in your book with the stings and it's the micros the small things that just keep adding up. That it's really powerful to help us understand it.

It's no is it's known as the death by a thousand cuts. Yes. Death by a thousand death by a thousand cuts in that in the in the case of the illustration I shared with you is by a thousand stings or you know, micro stings.

Well, and to your point, Dr Ash, it is like medicine. there are studies on laughter that show that laughter does actually do good for us, like medicine. And the studies began here in Western culture on telling jokes to patients and patients from all walks of life, all different kinds of jokes, and it didn't matter. Just the laughter really helped the health, the physical health. Then we had the Eastern philosophies come in with the laughter yoga that was intentional. And researchers more recently, like this is five years, have studied the intentional laughter and found it's even more beneficial for us than being entertained and laughing. So it laughter is a real powerful happiness habit. And how many of us just laugh and make ourselves laugh? Simple, right? Simple. But it's hard to do because even as a woman going through menopause, I don't feel like laughing. I'm not feeling naturally happy a lot of the time. And however, these habits help me get to that point. And not by ignoring things, by acknowledging them and feeling them and talking about them and journaling and then looking at the positive of it, what's going well, and not just the negative of it, because I could sit here all day and think of the negative. That would be very natural. And what I want to do is make it very natural to think of the positive equal to the negative. If we, like a seesaw, if we could just make it equal, I think we would achieve something as humanity, but we default to negative. We have that negativity bias, so we have to work a lot harder at the positive.

Yeah, what you're saying that we have to bring that intentionality. We have to bring that intentionality to continuously focus and create those positive moments. And we're where we and where we can put our focus on and grow that.

Yes. Because we both know that stress isn't bad. It just it's very realistic. And happy people are realistic, but happy people do what they can about stress and then let go of the rest. And that's a real key factor right there. We don't hold on to things.

That is true. We don't hold on to things we are aware of what's happening around and we transform it. Yes. Well, Alexia, thank you so much. We really enjoy enjoyed this conversation with you. And I would love for us to summarize what we have discussed in the last half an hour, 40 minutes. really simple nuggets what we have discussed in the session today. so that the listeners have some takeaway and kind of let's crystallize what we have discussed so far.

We can be happy in adverse circumstances. that's a choice. That's the choice we can take. Yeah, it doesn't mean because we get a diagnosis or we didn't get a promotion, or because of what's coming out of Washington, that we can't be happy. and so we do have to focus on what is going well, have gratitude moments throughout the day, practice small, very small acts of kindness at least five a week, towards the people around us to say thank you. deep breathe. Remember to breathe throughout the day. Look at a tree that increases happiness and work unintentionally laughing once a day. No one has to be around. We don't have to feel embarrassed, but just intentionally laughing. It could be on our commute to work if we have a car, if we drive. that's it. Yeah, it doesn't it doesn't matter what's happening. We can do little things and it re can rewire the brain and it can become habitual. Just like we work out, just like we eat right, this is equal. That's the main takeaway.

Alexia, I completely agree with you that the little things little things done consistently become the big things. And thank you for sharing your wisdom and for this amazing work. I highly recommend it. I've started reading it this week and I've learned a lot of things. I love the simplicity with which you have taught everything. Thank you so much for this amazing, amazing work. And I look forward to doing the work on global joy with you. Thank you for joining me with joining me in the Transforming Stress with Dr Ash podcast today from Scotland, from the beautiful Scotland, and I look forward to more conversations like these. Thank you so much, Alexia.

You're welcome, Dr Ash. If you enjoyed today's episode, we'd greatly appreciate it. If you could leave a five-star review, a like, or subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast. Your support helps us reach more people looking to transform their stress into new comfort. We'd love to hear your thoughts. Don't forget to comment and share. For more tips and updates, please be sure to check out our social media links in the description box below. We can't wait to have you with us next time at the end. Stress is resilient. Remember, it's not the stress itself, but how we rise above it to find our strength. So stay resilient and keep thriving. See you next time.